That person with a lonely smile
by tears of the soul
Summary: AU.Angst.That person with a lonely smile. Why is she always smiling?Final chapter up.Does that girl get a happy ending? Read inside to find out.
1. Chapter 1

This story is based on a dream I had. I think I was half-asleep at that time, because I could feel myself crying at some parts. As a shiznat fan, I cant help but make it into their story. But it really is real, just with Shizuru and Natsuki as the person who I dreamt about.

That person with the lonely smile.

Ever since I can remember, Shizuru has always been there to tease me at every chance she had. She annoys me to hell, with that nonchalant smile she always has on. She's always smiling. It was the only face I saw her with. Its as if she had no other emotion. I always hated her smile.

During the school festival, she was there, as always to tease me. It was something about how I could'nt be at one spot, working so busy. As I was busy, I quickly dismissed her and went on with my work. She went away, with that smile on her face. Where she went, I have no idea.

It was later after the school festival that I found out that she fell from the 2nd floor of one of the school buildings that very few people frequented. We only found out after one of her classmates who were curious of her absence at school decided to visit her and found out what had happened. They told us she was out for quite a while. She must have been out for quite a while; she fell from the 2nd floor, for god's sake. She woke up after fainting after falling and dragged herself to her room all by herself. All blooded and battered. She patched herself up and slept in bed for a long time. It's a miracle she could do all that. It is more of a miracle she didn't die, falling from the 2nd floor.

On a whim, I went to visit her room. It was a single room. It wasn't locked, so I allowed myself in. It was a dark room, the curtains were drawn. It was a neat room, though, I felt lonely in that room. There were no pictures of friends on the notice board like in my friend's room. My friends have their notice board full of pictures and all girly things. Her board was bare, except with her class time-table and a few notes. On the floor near her bed, was a few empty bottles of water and a half-empty packet of biscuits. Had she been surviving on these? All the time she was hurt? Some clothes were on the floor, they were bloody though, with some used bandages lying around..

I looked to see her. She was sleeping. She was bandaged all over, some on her head, her arms as well on her body. How could I tell she was bandaged on her body? I could see it through her half buttoned shirt. She stirred as I came close to her. Surprise was evident on her face, but she smiled softly.

'How are you?'

'I can barely move.' She smiled as she said this. Seeing her smile made me very irritated. I felt anger building up.

'How can you smile? When you've gone through all of this and you can barely move?'

She smiled as she answered me.

'My mother told me to always smile before she left.'

'She left?'

'She left. She abandoned me.' A cold feeling crept through my body as she continued to smile.

'But it's Ok. I'm Ok. I'll be fine.' She smiled weakly as she adjusted her body to face me better. She was holding back the pain.

This girl, she infuriates me. How can she still smile after all this happened? Abandoned by her mother, falling from the 2nd floor. I wonder why she fell from the 2nd floor.

'How did you fall from the 2nd floor that day? You're not that clumsy.'

'I was surprised.'

'Surprised? Why?'

'Someone…kissed you that day…'

I gasped. She saw someone confessing to me! The guy stole a kiss from me, I beat him up afterwards though. The nerve of the guy, kissing me out of the blue. I didn't even know him. She saw that? How did she see it? She must have been watching me.

'You know, I've always liked you. Watching you, you caught my attention. Ever since then, my eyes were on you. Teasing you was fun, just to see your reaction. You are so cute. But I know it's wrong, feeling this way. So it's fine, simply watching you is enough. Teasing you is enough. But watching you that day, as you were kissed, it surprised me.' She smiled as it what she just said was nothing important.

This girl, how long has she liked me? We have known each other for so long. How did she feel as she saw me kissed? The fall, was if accidental? Or did she plan to kill herself? When she fell, no one noticed. She made it to her room by herself. How did she feel that time? She must have felt so alone, unwanted by anybody. It makes me look at her in a new light.

I went out of the room, with a promise that I'd be back. She smiled. I wonder if she believed me, as I left. I went to the cafeteria and requested some congee to be made and brought it back to her room. I fed her the congee. This person, had she always eaten alone? I pet her hand and she smiles at me.

Looking at her, I wonder when was the last time she showered. When was the last time she had changed clothes. I find a towel and attempt to change her clothes as well as wipe her body. She reeks of sweat. I see her bandages in bad shape, so I change it as well. Her wounds are healing, though I see bruises and cuts all over from the fall. She must have been in such pain before. I look at her body. Her fingers, have they always been this thin? Her skin is so pale. I never thought she was this skinny. She always had that independent feel around her. This person in front of me now, is so weak, vulnerable, lonely and helpless. She looks so timid as I wipe her body. She must feel embarrassed as I do this. I blush as I realize this. I had simply wiped her body without asking her.

Looking at her, I feel a sudden urge to touch her. I want to feel her skin against mine. I want to kiss her. And I did so. It is a hungry kiss. This surprises me. Have I always felt this way? I realize I am straddling her and she is still not wearing anything, due to the fact that I was wiping her body. Her face is flushed. Is it just me, or had she always been this cute? She has a helpless look on her face, as if she is a small animal. I am overcome with a strong urge to dominate her. Realizing this, I retreat from her. She smiled as she looked at me. I cannot understand that look. Is it just me, or does she look sad and pained? That was the last thing I see before I leave the room.

The End

A/N what do you think? In my opinion, what happened was really sad. That girl is a very sad person. Do you think I should make a story out of this? Though I have no idea how to. R&R please.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: So I decided to make a short story based on the dream I had and am continuing it. I expect it to be short, just a few chapters.

That person with the lonely smile

Chapter 2: The girl with the lonely smile.

'For every action there is a cause and effect.'

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I have always been alone. Ever since my mother left our family, I have never been the same. I loved her so much, but she still left. I thought to myself, _I must be that insignificant to her. She never loved me anyway._ I told that to myself again and again, my heart full of anger and sadness. It was only when I was older that I understood what had really happened. Mother never loved father, she was in love with another man. She only stayed with father because of me. She loved me, I was her angel. But as time passed by, she could not bear to be beside father anymore and left. As a adult, I understand her feelings, her feelings to be beside her beloved. It is the same as my feelings to be with Natsuki. How it pains one to be apart from the one they loved. But I also understood father's pain; his unrequited move towards mother. He loved her dearly, yet she could not accept his feelings. I know father's pain, as I wonder if Natsuki will ever accept my feelings. This family, with the lack love, made me into someone who yearned love. But I was alone, with no one to love.

As I entered high school, I still felt alone. In the midst of people, I still felt alone. People came and surrounded me with their affection, but they only saw the surface of my mask. They could not see the lonely person I was. My life was empty until the day I saw you. I knew immediately that you were like me. We were so alike; there was an attraction between us. I felt compelled to be near you. I watched over you, teasing you. I didn't want you to be the empty, lonely person I was. I wanted to fill the void inside you.

You are my fascination. You were always on my mind, day, night, in my sleep. This interest grew into adoration. Then it changed into obsession. My eyes would always be on you. I would wake up in the morning and look forward to seeing you, teasing you. Just seeing your face, made my day brighter and the world a better place for me. A blush on your face was bliss. You quickly became the mood setter for me, not seeing you made me feel so lonely, so sad. I wanted more though, I wanted you. I wanted to feel the softness of your hair, the feel of your skin against mine. I wanted to touch everywhere on your body. I wanted to make you scream my name. I am a sick and twisted person, for having such feelings.

Ah, Natsuki, you have no idea how much it tortured me. To be so close, yet still so far. I wanted you, yet I didn't want to lose you. This small relationship we have, I don't want to lose it. Rejection from you would be the end of me. I would die without you. I consoled myself, it would be better to be by your side, then to lose you. Being your friend was enough. Meeting you was the best thing in my young life. I thought I was fine with that.

It wasn't. That day, during the school festival, I was watching you from afar when he kissed you. The kiss was not appreciated by you; you beat the guy up. Still something inside me broke. I realized the futileness of my love. He can love you freely without bearing the taunts and looks of society. He can touch you in places I never can. I don't want you to be alienated because of this love. A sick love like mine, it can never be fulfilled. My thoughts were spinning. I was spiraling in my own emotions, full of despair and sadness. I could no longer see clearly that I didn't even realize that I was falling. I fell from the 2nd floor. The travel down seemed like an eternity, yet I felt calm and tranquil. I thought to myself, maybe dying wouldn't be too bad. No one needs me anyway. No one would miss me.

The pain from the collision made me pass out immediately. I fell into darkness. It was a miracle that I didn't die. When I came to, I couldn't feel anything. I was numb. I could taste the blood in my mouth. I tried to move but I couldn't. I stayed there for a while before passing out again. When I woke up, I could feel the pain in every part of my body. I must have broken something. I found I could move, but the action made the pain soar all through my body. There was no use staying on the ground any longer, someone might come. I gritted my teeth and made an effort to stand up and move. The pain was unbearable. Somehow, slowly but surely, I made it to my room. As soon as I reached it, I passed out again.

Time lost its meaning to me. I would be in and out of sleep. Whenever I was awake, I tried to tend to myself; bandaging myself, changing out of my clothes. I ate whatever was available in the room, mostly biscuits and water. I was always in pain and in a weakened state. My mind was a total mess; thoughts of Natsuki always invaded my mind and the scene of her being kissed played like a broken record.

A friend came by and was shocked at the condition I was in, she called a doctor to look at me and the doctor said I needed rest. He was happy that I didn't die when I fell. I suffer a few bruised ribs and a few broken bones. Once in a while friends would come to visit but I never thought you would as well Natsuki.

As I stirred from my sleep, I saw you in front of me. I thought you were a dream and I treated you like one. I kept my mask on, I didn't want you to know why I was in this condition, yet when you asked, I just couldn't lie to you.

'How are you?'

'I can barely move.' I smiled, just like I always do. This was just a normal conversation, like we do all the time.

'How can you smile? When you've gone through all of this and you can barely move?'

Irritation was evident on your face. It made me happy that you cared for me.

'My mother told me to always smile before she left.'

'She left?'

'She left. She abandoned me.' You looked sad as I said this. So I tried to calm you down.

'But it's Ok. I'm Ok. I'll be fine.'

A frown formed on your pretty face. Why are you unhappy?

'How did you fall from the 2nd floor that day? You're not that clumsy.'

The question I had been dreading finally came. I thought of a way to answer, yet I knew I could never lie to you, so I told the truth. Well, part of it.

'I was surprised.'

'Surprised? Why?'

'Someone…kissed you that day…'

She gasped as she heard this. I could see she was thinking back on what happened that day. I don't know what made me confess my feelings to her but I did. Maybe I wanted to clear things up. I don't know.

'You know, I've always liked you. Watching you, you caught my attention. Ever since then, my eyes were on you. Teasing you was fun, just to see your reaction. You are so cute. But I know it's wrong, feeling this way. So its fine, simply watching you is enough. Teasing you is enough. But watching you that day, as you were kissed, it surprised me.' I smile sadly as I say this, a burden of my chest.

You look surprised at my confession. You are silent then you ask for permission to leave the room. I oblige as I smile at you. You must hate me now; you must think I am disgusting. I know I am, I am a sick person. You promise to come back, yet I understand if you don't. You don't want such a person to be your friend.

Yet you come back with some congee which you feed me. I am touched Natsuki, that you care for me. You pet my hand and that small gesture makes me happy. Despite my weak protests, you clean my body and change my bandages and clothing. Every touch on my skin tingles, as if electricity has passed my body. You stare at my body with such intensity that I feel embarrassed. There is nothing interesting at my skin. I know I may be a bit pale, but that is all.

You must have touching me absent-mindedly as you blushed looking at my face. Suddenly I find you staring at my face, edging closer and closer to me before you claim my lips forcefully. You kiss me so hungrily that I am left bewildered at the sudden change of events. Not that I am complaining. Kissing Natsuki is like a dream come true to me. You unconsciously straddle me; kissing me harder, then you suddenly stop. It seems you have come of your trance. Your face blushes as your realize the position you are in and my state of undress. Yet you stare at my face, I wonder what do you see? Are you seeing into my soul? Suddenly you back away from me. What you saw must have frightened you. Reality comes back in full swing, I disgust you. I smile as you leave. I have seen this coming, yet I still feel pain. I have repulsed you. But its okay, Natsuki. I have always been alone. I'll be fine, I'll get over you. I have to. I'll be fine Natsuki, really…

To be continued.

A/N: The next chapter will be the final chapter. Will it be full of sadness or happiness? Reviews will determine that,lol.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: So the ending of this story. I suddenly had inspiration as I was listening to the song 'I'm with you' by Avril Lavigne. Nice, sad song. Also the quote is from the song lyrics of 'Memory',a song by Korean singer Younha. Listen to that song. It's a really romantic song, though a bit sad? I would really recommend you to listen to the song online (youtube it!! Find the one with subs, its sooo good!)

That person with the lonely smile

Chapter 3: That person will never have a lonely smile anymore.

'Even when I try to forget you,

Even when I clear my heart of you,

My body remembers.'

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Shizuru was sitting under a tree in the rose garden during recess. The sky was dark grey with the wind blowing furiously making the leaves rustle. Her injuries had made a good recovery and she felt well enough to go to school. Shizuru was trying to enjoy the breeze but was failing miserably. The weather made her feel strangely melancholic.

It was like this when she first saw the girl with the midnight tress. She was awestruck at the sight how the wind blew the girl's hair making it seem as it was dancing gently with the wind. It made Natsuki look very soft and fragile. Of course, it was after that that Shizuru soon realized how true that was. Natsuki was like her, losing her mother and making the girl very lonely. Natsuki protected herself by being distant and cold, earning herself the title of ice queen. Shizuru had taken notice of Natsuki ever since then; her eyes always searching and following the ice queen.

Her thoughts transversed to what happened during the festival and she felt the same pang of hurt and pain like when she saw Natsuki being kissed. More followed as she remembered what had happened after Natsuki's visit to the room. Shizuru never seemed to find Natsuki anymore and when she did, the girl would not look her in the eye and avoided her like a plague.

Her sadness and despair returned. She felt the same emptiness and loneliness she always felt, the emotions that seemed to evade her ever since Shizuru met Natsuki. Shizuru felt unwanted and very ugly. Nobody wanted her, her mother left her, her father was never there for her, busy with work. Nobody was looking for her. She was alone.

There was a bright flash of lightning and the sound of thunder echoed. Soon after, rain started to fall lightly and Shizuru found herself drenched.

'It rained the day mother left too.'

The rain trailed down Shizuru's hair and cheeks making her look as if she was crying. She smiled and looked up at the sky.

'Thank you Sky, for crying for me. My tears have dried long ago.'

She shivered and Shizuru clutched her body, pondering on what to do.

'Should I return to class? I'm already drenched…'

Undecided, Shizuru simply sat under the tree holding her knees, seeking shelter from the rain.

'Nobody's looking for me. Mother won't come for me, nobody will.'

Shivering, Shizuru sighed. Life was so messed up.

'Why did I ever confess to Natsuki? I knew it was foolish.' She smiled sadly.

'I guess I was clinging to the hope that we could be together. That small, slim chance that we could be together, that you liked me back. I guess, I was wrong. I suppose..it's time to give up. It'll be hard, I still love you.'

Shizuru started walked back to her room noticing that the weather had taken a turn for the worse. The rain came down furiously and a sudden lightning surprised her so much that she lost her balance and fell down into a puddle. As she wiped her face from the water and attempted to stand up, she realized that there was a pale hand held out to her. The person who was watching after her had finally come to her side.

_____________________________________________________________________

Natsuki's story:

Ever since she left Shizuru's room, Natsuki felt confused on her actions on that day.

_Why in the world did I kiss her that day? __This feels so weird. All these unfamiliar emotions. They make me feel so warm inside yet I feel so afraid. What was that feeling I had as I looked at her? Was it lust? Have I always felt that way to her? I wanted to touch her so much so much. I wanted to make her mine. I wanted to make her mine and mine alone. But she's a girl. I'm a girl. Girls can't fall in love with each other. Can they? It's wrong, yet why does it feel so right?_

The feelings that Natsuki felt for Shizuru confused her so much that she felt so agonized. She felt tortured, yet she yearned to see Shizuru. But she just couldn't find the strength to face Shizuru or her sexuality. She kept to herself and avoided other people in fear that they asked her what the problem and breaking down and telling them all about it. Whenever she saw or met Shizuru she could feel those feelings growing and finding herself losing control. She could not have that so she avoided Shizuru.

That day, she was having lunch by herself when she saw Shizuru walking in the distance. Her heartbeat quickened and she hid herself. She peeked out from her hiding place and realized Shizuru did not see her. She followed Shizuru to the rose garden.

'This is the place where I first saw her. She teased me about being an angel. I didn't understand her then, but now I do.'

Natsuki smiled sadly at the memory and looked at Shizuru again. Shizuru looked so serene and peaceful under that tree that Natsuki couldn't move an inch, her eyes always on the brunette's figure.

It started to rain and the sight of a drenched Shizuru looking up at the sky smiling made natsuki's heart ache.

'She looks as if she's crying. Yet why is still smiling?'

Natsuki watched as Shizuru sat under the tree curling herself into a ball. She wanted to go up to Shizuru so much but was glued to the floor.

_What do I say to her? I can't simply waltz up to her and take her off her feet…_

It rained harder and Shizuru started to leave the tree. A sudden lightning struck in the distance and Natsuki watched as Shizuru fell down into a puddle. Unable to watch any longer, Natsuki ran to Shizuru's side…

_____________________________________________________________________'Natsuki?'

There was no response from Natsuki, so Shizuru thought she was hallucinating from being in the rain for so long.

'I'm not dreaming am I?'

The said Natsuki went down on her knees and touched Shizuru's cheeks. The warmth from Natsuki's fingers spread on to her cheeks and Shizuru touched the hand lightly.

'They say Natsuki is an Ice queen, yet her fingers are so warm.'

Natsuki didn't answer; instead she put another hand on Shizuru's other cheek.

'…and you are so cold, Shizuru.'

It was Shizuru's turn to stay silent. She simply put her other hand on Natsuki's newly placed hand. They stayed that way for a while before Shizuru pushing Natsuki's hand away and she started to pull away.

'Please don't be so kind to me. I must forget you because you don't feel the same way as I do to you.'

Natsuki felt as if a dagger had been struck through her heart hearing Shizuru's words. She clutched her heart tightly as Shizuru started to walk away.

'I wanted to kiss you that day and I did.'

Listening to Natsuki's words, Shizuru stopped walking yet she did not turn to face the ice queen.

'Yes, you did and I thank you for that kindness. I will always cherish that kiss.'

'I wanted to touch you. I wanted to feel your skin against mine.'

Shizuru was surprised to hear these words.

'Whenever I see you, I want to touch you so much. I don't understand why I feel this way Shizuru.'

Natsuki walked up to Shizuru and timidly put her hand on Shizuru. Receiving no resistance or response, she turned Shizuru around to face her. Shizuru was surprised to see tears on the ice queen's face.

'Please tell me Shizuru, why am I feeling this way? Why I can't resist from wanting to see your face and touching you?'

Shizuru shook her head.

'I don't know exactly the reason Natsuki. But in most cases, people call it love.'

'But I'm a girl. Isn't it wrong for me to feel this way for you?'

'Then it's wrong for me to feel the same way to you too. I love you so much Natsuki that it hurts inside. Not being able to see you hurt me so much.'

'It hurts me too Shizuru. Not seeing you when thoughts of you are all that in my mind.'

Natsuki rested her head on Shizuru's shoulder. She was silent for a while before looking up at Shizuru's face that was blushing being so close to one she loved.

'I guess, it is love. These feelings that seemed to have awakened since that day. I'd say, I must have liked you too before, but I never noticed.'

Natsuki leaned up and kissed Shizuru lightly on the lips. Shizuru stiffened for a while before relaxing into the kiss.

'I love you Shizuru. Forgive me for putting you in so much pain.'

'I love you so much Natsuki. All that pain is nothing compared to the happiness I feel now that I know you love me too.'

Natsuki was touched by Shizuru's words and she hugged the brunette tightly.

'I love you Shizuru. I want you to be mine. I want you to be by my side always.'

'I'll never leave you Natsuki.

Natsuki touched Shizuru's cheek again and realized how cold the older girl was; she was shivering. She put her hand in Shizuru's hand and pulled her.

'Come Shizuru. We need to get you out of those clothes and this rain.'

'Ara, Natsuki is that eager to take these clothes off me? I'm so happy that you're moving our relationship so fast.'

The meaning of Shizuru's words sunk into Natsuki's mind slowly and she blushed when she finally did. Her face was a bright red.

'Baka Shizuru! What are you saying! I didn't mean it that way!'

Shizuru's laughter filled the air whilst shouts of 'stop laughing' echoed as they headed to Shizuru's room.

-The End-

A/N: ..and that is the end of this bittersweet story. I rather liked this ending. It's rather sweet. I would like to thank everyone who has been following this story. Your support means a lot to me, also please continue to do so. Don't forget to review please.


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